Embracing Change

If this past year has given us nothing else, it's at least given us change. Change can bring with it negative feelings of uncertainty and fear.  These unknowns can perpetuate anxiety and depression for some and  yet, for others, those uncertanties can be met with excitement around the new adventures that lie ahead.    

Change, uncertainty, and anxiety certainly payed me a vistit over the past 18 months.  It began with my official separation from my husband,  a new role at work, COVID-19, the cancellations of all my grand race plans, the inability to see my family,  limited friend contact, kids learning from home, me working from home, fear surrounding the layoffs that happened at work, getting a mortgage, helping my girls and myself adjust to our new realities.    

Through this time there have been emotional ups and downs, many tears, feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, and so much self doubt.  I've debated quiting sport, wondered if I should try to put my family back together,  and undervalued my contributions in my job.  I worried that I was failing my kids, as they lost their sports, were not seeing their friends, trying to do school from home, and I was learning a new role, navigating single living, and feeling as though I wasn't doing enough to meet their needs.  

I realize that I am not the only person who has been suffering and there are many people who have faced terrible things through this time.   Everyone's stress is different and very real and can manifest varying levels of reactions.  It is not my or your place to judge someone else's suffering but instead find ways to support, ease, and be there when needed. 

With help from my counsellor I have been working on accepting the new changes and navigating my new life.    Through the stress of the perceived negative, many positives have actually come out to play.   My home is an overall calmer environment, I've adapted to and doing well in my new role at work, made it throught the layoffs,  I've got an amazing friend group, own my home, the girls are doing okay and adjusting to this new world we are in, and I'm making sure to continue to exercise every day, even though I'm no longer racing as a pro.    

The anxiety I was experiencing has lessened, and as we begin to emerg from this unsettling year, I am excited by the possibilies that are ahead of us.  I have no delusions that embracing change will be easy, it hasn't been; I'm excited by the possibilities of what adventures are waiting around the corner, as I have been working on new ways to accept what's different and move toward what's waiting for me, even if it's not yet clearly defined.  

If you are feeling the heaviness of the unknown, be brave, search out a counsellor or friend, share what's going on, and work to find ways to embrace the change.  Here are a  few things that were recommended for me and have helped reduce my anxiety around the uncertain.   

1. Write down your thoughts.
This could be in a journal or a blog you can choose to post or not. Write down your situation, reread it, create some doable solutions. Perhaps what was in your mind won't seem as bad once you write it out.

2. Talk to others with similar experiences.

Talk with a friend, someone who is going through what you are or has shared a similar experience, find a counsellor you feel comfortable with. The conversation can be comforting and provide a new perspective.

3. Accept uncertainty is part of the everyday.
Easier said than done, but sometimes practice makes it easier to do. Reassure yourself that uncertainty is part of the everyday, control what you can and work to accept that there are things that you cannot control. It was not easy for me to wait for layoff day at work, I had no control over the outcome, however should I have been on the chopping block, I would have left with a package and strong skills to land another opportunity.

4. Relaxation.
Don't tell me to relax, it only makes me more conscious of the anxiety and less likely for me to relax. I know there are others out there that feel the same. I've started yoga, practicing the breathing techniques when I feel overwhelmed, it has helped immensley with helping me fall back asleep at night and yes, relax.

5. Exercise.
Sometimes the last thing I want to do is go out the door to run or jump on the indoor bike. However if I skip the workout I feel worse than if I walked out the door and forced the run to begin. It doesn't have to be a workout, a walk, hike, gardening, something active will benefit in helping to relieve the anxiety.

 

One Small Step

According to Merriam-Webster, Bravery is the quality or state of having or showing mental or
moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty.  I often wonder what does "to be brave", mean exactly? Do I have to jump from an airplane, run into a burning building, or come down a hill on my bike at 80km an hour feeling exhilaration instead of terror? Can being brave also mean doing something that is different, new, uncomfortable, scary, and still doing it anyway?

Yesterday, while riding my bike indoors, I put on what I thought was a fun, non thinking movie, Chick Fight with Malin Akerman and Alec Baldwin.   To my surprise I ended up taking away a strong message from that movie.   At one point, Alec spoke this quote to Malin, who was afraid to take the final leap toward something she'd been working so hard to achieve,  he said " THE ONLY THING THAT SEPARATES FEAR FROM BRAVERY IS ONE SMALL STEP".

Being brave does not mean doing without fear, it's doing inspite of the fear.  It's standing on the edge of decision and instead of backing away or stepping down,  you step forward, even if you fail the first time, or first ten times, you are being brave just by taking that step.   

Everyone will have a different variation of what Brave is for them and that definition will most likely evolve over time.  For me currently, brave is when you  move away from something toxic and comfortable and step towards uncertainty and discomfort, you are brave when you step towards doing something you aren't sure you believe yourself to be able to do,  and you are brave when you seek and accept help when you need it.   

Being brave is hard.  But being brave can also lead you a step closer to great reward. Bravery shows in many fashions; find a way to start being brave for yourself.    Maybe you need to start with something small before taking on a big challenge.  Practice your bravery, take a step toward signing up for your first race, step out the door for that daily walk when you don't want to, step toward healthy choices.   

Be brave for you.